It true the PRATS are no more? 
Has it evolved? 
If so what into? 
Maybe we'll find out or maybe it was all a dream - scary!

The "Introduction" by our glorious leader

The Prats began humbly enough with a chance conversation around Christmas 1994 in the now, dearly departed, Cat and Fiddle, between Bill Stedham (who has since gone on, of course, to become a legend in his own lifetime as the fabled, Two Bounce) and your ever so humble correspondent. The rest is history. Come to think about it, most things to do with me and Two Bounce are history now.

At any rate, as a result of that conversation, it was decided to pressgang a ragbag of like minded down-and–outs, who had also run out of excuses to get out on the town of a Friday night, to play squash. Within weeks Prats was up and running, unlike, it has to be said, the individual members. From those unsteady beginnings then, the Prats have blossomed into a close knit society of finely honed athletes, dedicated to the cause of super fitness, with a punishing, relentless, training regime in the Motte and Bailey every Friday, even with me with my leg under the doctor at the moment.

But Friday, why Friday? What fiendish Faust chose Friday night to play squash of all things? Friday, TFIF. Thank Goodness It’s Friday, the week over, that last commute home, the dreaded whif of perfume as you open the front door, the collapse on to the settee, the large dram, a proper dinner, outside of the best part of a bottle of vin rouge, laptop left untroubled in its bag until Sunday night, and something funny on the telly. Why would anyone deliberately choose to forego all of the above to go out in the dark to wobble about a squash court? Well, what can I say? There you have it. That’s what makes a Prat a Prat. That is the backbone, the inner sacrifice, which unites the brotherhood of Prats. Not content with physical perfection, Prats have also conditioned themselves to a steely mental resolve, not normally experienced outside of the inner sanctum of the SAS. How would you like to face the rest of your short time on this planet knowing that you couldn’t have your first drink on a Friday night until about nine o’ clock? Superhuman or what?

But Prats, of course, is really about its members and this year’s crop is, again, as fine a body of men as have ever graced a squash court or a public house, boasting, as it does, the likes of I’m getting younger as I get older Two Bounce Stedham, Jim Babwe Low, “The General” Hamilton McLeod, Dave, Nudge Nudge, Wallace (nudge, nudge, have you heard about Her, you know She?) John T. Oscar Wild, Joe OK Just A Wee One Then Charlesworth, Delboy Frost, now known to his close associates of the green sward as Knackered, Don the Dook Watson, Mike Lovey, Lovey, Tackley (resting member) Miss Piggy Tite, Karl Groucho Boone and the Whitechapel Stalker to name but a few.

But the thing is, have YOU got what it takes to be a Prat? (being recognised as a bit of a prat in real life would, obviously, be a large plus mark.) Are you getting soft and flabby? (again, essential ingredients of the successful Prat.) Do you think you could live up to the Prat ideal? Your Prats need YOU! We are recruiting for this season and will consider squash players of any standard, any age. That, of course is a complete lie. If you’re young, fit, play three nights a week already and go to the gym the other four, clear off. No, what we are looking for are prospective Prats, passed the first flush of youth, none of that disgusting testester whatsit, thingy stuff, complete with no competitive urge whatsoever, prepared to devote their leisure time to a life of fun and frolics with a bit of squash thrown in to work up a healthy appetite and thirst. If you think that you meet these demanding criteria, give us a ring on 711250. That call could change your life. For the better? Well?

See yah Friday

If you want to try the strange and surreal world that is Pirton Pratdom, a world of pantomime, low flyers and nights of laughter, or have any comments or suggests for these pages contact jontywild@pirton.org.uk.  We play on Friday nights, (for as short a period as we can get away with!) then retire as quickly as possible to an eating establishment or pub (preferably both!) 

The standard is STRICTLY variable!

This page was last modified on December 11, 2011
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